


the 3 times Junho tries to confess to Yohan, plus the one time he doesn't have to.

by astralhsw (reevlvet)



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Junho is the cutest, M/M, Social Anxiety, Stuttering Cha Junho, Yohan is oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-11-28 18:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20970845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reevlvet/pseuds/astralhsw
Summary: Or the one where Junho starts being afraid that his speech impediment and social anxiety will be the reasons he'll remain single forever.





	the 3 times Junho tries to confess to Yohan, plus the one time he doesn't have to.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is actually a little misleading. Although there will be 3 times Junho confesses to Yohan, I've added 1 extra time in the beginning where we can see how Junho develops his feelings for Yohan since I thought that'd be interesting to see. 
> 
> Having said that, I hope you enjoy this, and I'm sorry for any mistakes you may find! English isn't my first language.

**1**

Junho first met Yohan when he was 12.

It was his first day in high school, and to say he was nervous would be an understatement: he felt dizzy, his hands and legs wouldn't stop shaking, and he looked so pale that his only friend in the entire world, Lee Eunsang, thought he'd faint any time soon, no matter how many times the brown-haired boy assured him he was fine.

But to Junho's own amazement, the first day went well, maybe even too well.

His classmates were all very nice. He had met Dongyun, Hyungjun, Dongpyo and Minseo, and they hit it off quite well. In fact, by the beginning of the last class, the six boys were already inseparable, sitting at the back of the classroom, happily whispering things to each other as their laughter was heard even by the people sitting in the first row.

Junho was surprised he had managed to make friends that easily, since just a few weeks earlier he had been diagnosed social anxiety by a psychiatrist, yet there he was, having five new friends.

It wasn't all his achievement, though, the boy had gotten help from Eunsang. (Actually, Eunsang was the one who got _minimum_ help from Junho.)

Too excited while talking to his new friends, Junho didn't notice his pen bursting, the black ink tainting a huge part of his hand and his now ruined notes. He slowly began to notice how the entire classroom turned around to look at him, hearing Eunsang chuckle next to him, and the dizziness suddenly came rushing back as he was slowly becoming aware of the embarassing situation he was in.

Eunsang then stopped laughing, which made Junho understand that his best friend was aware of the situation too. If Eunsang didn't do anything, Junho would get a panic attack on his first day of high school, and that wouldn't really be a nice thing to remember.

His best friend started telling everyone to stop looking at Junho, as he asked the teacher permission to accompany him to the bathroom.

''He can go alone. Can't he?'' The teacher said, the words resonating in his head as Junho simply stood up, smiled at Eunsang and headed out of the classroom - while fearing the worst.

''It's just a small walk to the bathroom, Junho. You can do it.'' Junho whispered to himself, walking as fast as he could to the bathroom. Except that he couldn't find it, which lead him upstairs, desperately wanting to find one as soon as possible and clean the now dry ink on his hands.

After a while he found one, walking in, and turning the cold tap on as he washed the ink off. Just as he was getting finished, the door next to him opened and he saw a handsome, black-haired stranger wearing glasses. He was surely older than him, and was it too bad that Junho couldn't stop thinking about how good-looking said boy was?

The boy then stepped in, smiling at Junho as he took a quick look at his almost clean hand.

''You had an accident with a pen, didn't you?'' he said, and Junho found himself admiring the way the older boy's voice sounded. ''You must be one of the new kids! Well, I'm Kim Yohan.''

Junho was now blushing badly, and he could feel his legs and hands shake no matter how hard he was trying to make them stop.

''I-I'm Ch-Cha J-Junho.'' He managed to say, his tongue suddenly becoming his own enemy and trying to fight his words back.

''Well, nice to meet you, Cha Junho.''

As Junho walked out of the bathroom, his hand still stained with black ink, he realized that was the first time he'd ever stuttered.

**2**

And it definitely wouldn't be the last one.

After that day, stuttering became a huge part of Junho's life. The years passed, but no matter how hard he'd try, the amount of tongue-twisters he'd say, and all the efforts he'd put in making tongue exercises to erase the stutter, it was still there. And it even got stronger and more prominent.

And so did his feelings for Yohan.

Junho was now sixteen, and he had managed to hide his feelings towards Yohan for four years. During the first two, rather than having feelings for him, he just had the biggest crush on him. But after that, it got serious. Junho started to realize that he had fallen deeply in love, something he hadn't ever experienced before, and he definitely disliked that.

But to Junho's own luck, he had actually become close to Yohan. Ever since the day they met that the older boy would always run to find him during the break, talking to him excitedly and in some ways, seeming mentally younger than Junho was.

Junho couldn't hide the stuttering from Yohan, but there's one thing he could: his social anxiety. He had decided from the very beginning that his friendship with Yohan was something precious and unique, and he didn't want to ruin it because of his multiple disorders. But Yohan, with his best intentions in mind, always pushed Junho into situations that involved socializing.

The younger boy didn't really mind. He liked pretending not to have social anxiety, no matter how much it felt like he was dying inside. But what he loved the most, and what made it worth it, was seeing Yohan happy.

And it now was one of those moments: Junho was in a college party. Yohan had just started his first year in college, and despite Junho still being in high school, he would invite him to every single college party there was.

Junho was now sitting next to Eunsang in some couch they had found, the two boys silent as they saw people having fun around them. And suddenly, the now red-haired boy broke the silence.

"You like Yohan." He said, making Junho freeze.

"Y-you f-found o-out?" The boy managed to say.

"Of course. And I've known for a while now." Eunsang said, now smiling at him. "You've always made it so obvious."

"I ha-haven't m-made it ob-obvious. It's j-just th-that y-you know me t-too well." Junho said, mentally cursing himself for stuttering so much.

"Maybe it's just that." Eunsang replied. "What are you going to do about it? You'll have to tell him one day."

"I w-won't. Eunsang, he'd n-never like me." Junho replied, staring at his shaking hands. "H-have you s-een me? I s-tutter with the lett-tter 'h', a f-freaking silent letter, and I ha-have s-so much anxiety I'm sh-shaking m-most of the time."

"Don't say that. Junho, you're great.''

''Y-Yeah? Why?''

''Well, first of all, you're very intelligent. In every single way possible. You know how to listen, you're thoughtful and caring. You have a mature side to you, and that's great, but you're also funny, a born comedian if you ask me, and you're great to be around with. Who cares if you stutter? Who cares if you have anxiety? What really matters is who you are without those things. And let me tell you: you're fucking amazing, Junho.'' Eunsang explained, making Junho's smile shyly as he talked. ''Why do you think I became friends with you? You always tell me how I could've made better friends, how I was so popular when we were younger, yet I decided to approach you. You want to know why? You were the only one who wanted to be friends with me because of me. And I could tell you needed a friend. You're my best friend for a reason, Junho. Besides, no one in the world has visuals as good as yours.''

Junho laughed at the last sentence and smiled as he looked at his best friend.

''Y-you r-really think th-that?'' Junho asked, as Eunsang immediately nodded, and Junho could tell he wasn't lying.

''So go and get your boy.'' Eunsang said, pushing Junho to stand up and go find Yohan.

Junho simply obeyed. What Eunsang said about him really boosted up his confidence, and for once he felt like he could finally confess.

While he walked around the house, looking for Yohan, he muttered some tongue-twisters as to avoid stuttering when talking to the older boy later, but he soon realized he wouldn't need to say anything.

Because when Junho finally found Yohan, he was already kissing somebody else.

**3**

A few years later, Junho finished his last year of high-school and got admitted into one of the best colleges in the country. And it happened to be the same one as Yohan's.

Since Junho got admitted late - his anxiety got worse till the point he couldn't take the college entry exams the same day as everyone else - when he arrived at the campus and requested Eunsang to be his roommate, he was saddened to discover his best friend had already been assigned with another student. But Junho got lucky since just the day before one of the students had requested for a new roommate, so he got his new room's key, grabbed his suitcases, and nervously made his way to what now would be his home for four years. He was very anxious at first, but when he finally got to his room and unlocked the door, he realized there was nothing to worry about. It was just Yohan.

Both him and Yohan were thrilled to have each other as roommates, and Junho's first year of college went on like that, sharing a room with the boy he was in love with. And he liked it. They would spend as much time as they could locked in there together, watching movies, binge-watching TV shows they had already seen countless times, playing games, and sitting by the window talking until it got so late they could almost see the sunrise. And both boys loved it.

And one day, a few weeks before Junho's first college year would end, he found himself in the cafeteria with Eunsang and his roommate Dongpyo, drinking coffee as they talked about everything, until it started getting dark and Eunsang mentioned Yohan.

''So about Yohan.'' Eunsang, who now had black hair, said. ''Any luck?''

''Oh, it's j-just gr-great with him.'' Junho said, slowly turning red. ''I h-hate admiting this, but I think I l-like him more than b-before.''

''When are you planning to confess? Or do you need me to give an empowering speech about how great you are again for you to do it?''

''N-no.'' Junho replied as he laughed. ''I was a-actually going t-to d-do it t-tomorrow.''

''Why tomorrow when you can do it right now?'' Dongpyo said as Eunsang nodded next to him. ''I'll pay for you, you go confess!''

Not feeling like arguing with his friends, Junho simply stood up and walked out of the cafeteria, making his way to the campus. Once again, he muttered tongue-twisters in hopes they would help him speak without stuttering as much, and he kept on thinking what he would say. After all, he had never confessed before. 

When he finally arrived, he grabbed his key and slowly unlocked the door, his hand shaking as he opened it.

But he barely managed to see anything as someone threw a pillow at him.

''Junho! Not now!'' He heard Yohan yell, and only then Junho saw Yohan in bed with someone he really didn't know. He quickly understood and walked out, locking the door and sitting down against it.

A few hours later, when Yohan unlocked the door, he found Junho laying outside, asleep, with still wet tears under his puffy eyes.

**4**

No matter how many times Yohan had asked, Junho never told him the reason he was crying that day.

The next college year started, and Yohan and Junho remained as roommates, even though they didn't do as much stuff together as they used to.

Now, Junho and Yohan had divided who would be in the dorm depending of the night.

Most nights were for Yohan. Junho only got three nights a week for himself. During the rest of the week, he could only go to bed past 1-2 am as to not disturb Yohan, who would sleep with someone different every day, it either being girls or boys.

On the other hand, Junho would use those three nights for literally nothing. He told Yohan he would use them for the same thing, sleeping with others, and the older boy seemed totally okay with it. But the truth was, Junho would just lay on bed, staring at the window, wishing Yohan was there with him, doing the same things they did last year. It's not like they stopped doing them, they had the rest of the day to be together, but it just wasn't the same.

The weeks went on, until Yohan developed this huge crush on Lee Hangyul, and luckily to him, Hangyul liked him too, and so they started dating, Hangyul being at Junho and Yohan's bedroom almost every single hour of the day. It annoyed Junho a lot, because at least before he could be alone with Yohan, but now it was always the three of them, with him having to third-wheel everytime. So it resulted in Junho spending even less time in his dorm, going to Eunsang's whenever he needed to be alone or simply take a nap. Eunsang hated seeing his best friend like that, but he couldn't do anything about it.

A few months later, Junho found himself in his dorm, having that night to himself, but as always, he didn't do anything. He took a quick shower, brushed his teeth and his hair, and laid on his bed, ready to spend the entire night thinking about Yohan, until he heard a bunch of strong knocks on the door, and he immediately sat down, startled.

''Junho, I know we said we wouldn't interrupt each other, but this is really important!'' He heard Yohan shout, and he could tell by the tone of his voice that the boy was crying. ''I'm walking in!''

And so he did, covering his eyes as he avoided looking at Junho, but after a few seconds of silence, he turned to look at his roommate and was surprised to find out the boy was alone.

''W-what?'' Yohan asked, closing the door behind him as tears fell down his eyes. ''But I thought-''

''Of c-course you d-did.'' Junho said, smiling softly. ''I know what you're t-thinking. And y-you're right. I've lied. Never b-been with anyone my entire life.''

Yohan was so shocked by the sudden revelation that he almost forgot what he was crying about. Until, of course, he saw Junho stand up and softly dry his tears with his thumb.

''What's wrong?'' Junho asked, making the older boy sit down on his bed as he softly caressed his hand.

''Hangyul cheated.''

All of a sudden, Junho stood up, anger filling his entire face as he made his way towards the door.

''What are you doing?' Yohan asked, almost shouted, making Junho stop dead on his tracks.

''I'm going to beat him up, of course.'' Junho calmly said, not even stuttering, making Yohan laugh.

''Come back here, you dumbass.'' Yohan said, and Junho obeyed, sitting down next to the older boy again. ''I'm sorry, Junho. I didn't know about... well, you know.''

''It's okay, hyung.'' Junho said. 

At that point, Yohan seemed to have had forgotten about Hangyul. Junho had really made him forget about it for a while.

''So, you've never been with anyone? Really?'' Yohan asked, as he laid down on the bed and Junho followed suit, the two boys staring at each other now. ''Why?''

Yohan saw a strong blush starting to cover Junho's cheeks, as he nervously looked away, avoiding the older boy's gaze.

''So you're... you're a v-''

''Don't say it.'' Junho quickly shut him up, making Yohan laugh.

''But, oh my god, this is huge! You're 20, Junho! There must be a huge reason why you never did that before.''

And on that moment, Junho felt like it was right. The atmosphere. The situation. Yohan laying there, right next to him.

His heart told him it was the time to confess.

His tongue, however, seemed to think otherwise.

''U-uh, I... I n-n-need t-t-to t-tell you s-so-something.'' Junho managed to say, blushing more, as both boys sat down. ''T-t-t-t-he th-thing i-is t-t-t-that...''

''Oh my god Junho, you're stuttering so much.'' Yohan said. ''Don't worry, you can tell me.''

Junho nodded, taking a deep breath.

''Ok-okay. H-h-here it g-goes. I-I've l-li... I've b-b-een in l... I've l-l-lov... Fuck.'' Junho said. ''I can't do this.''

And before Yohan could stop him, Junho had already ran away.

**5**

A few weeks after, Yohan had already recovered from his breakup. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he didn't like Hangyul as much as he thought, so it didn't hurt as much as it did at first. In fact, it didn't hurt at all. Yohan was happy. Because thanks to that, he realized something.

All these years, he had developed small crushes on literally everyone, so he used to think of himself as someone who fell in love easily. However, when he tried to picture in his head the person he was in love with, none of his crushes appeared.

Instead, a certain brown-haired boy, with his characteristic broad shoulders and cold expression yet innocent personality and soft smile, would appear. The boy that couldn't even say two words without stuttering ten times.

And Yohan was in denial.

Yes, he loved Junho. Yes, he loved being with him. He just didn't think he loved him that way. After all, he had been close to him since forever, it was impossible he could see the boy as anything other than his best friend.

But the more thought he put into it, the more he knew he had never really seen Junho as a close friend.

And when he saw Junho for the last time, wiping his tears, smiling at him, blushing deeply, stuttering uncontrollably... he finally realized. He was in love with Cha Junho. 

He loved every single thing about the boy. How he would always be there for him. The way he smiled at him, the way he laughed. The way Junho would always hide behind him during college parties, grabbing his hand so strongly Yohan actually thought he would rip it off. Even the little things, like seeing the younger boy spaced out while trying to study in the library, or watching the boy sleep, were lovely to him. Or how Junho would mutter tongue-twisters under his breath, thinking Yohan didn't hear him. 

And that's another thing: Yohan loved Junho's stutter the most. He thought it made him unique, and he found it adorable how Junho would start turning red the more he stuttered. Or how he'd end up cursing and hiding behind the nearest thing, being it a book or a pillow.

During weeks, Yohan decided not to say anything. He enjoyed being in love, especially because it was such a new feeling to him, even though he had probably been in love for years now, without having realized it before. But Yohan still loved it. How he would feel all kinds of butterflies whenever Junho was close. Even the thought of the younger boy made Yohan go all jelly and giggly. 

So when Wooseok found Yohan spacing out and giggling for the 45th time that day, he thought he had enough. He grabbed the nearest book and hit Yohan's head with it.

''Stop doing that. It makes you look dumb.'' Wooseok said.

''Doing what?'' 

''Being in love with Junho. It's disgusting.'' Wooseok replied, making Yohan laugh.

''And what do you want me to do about it?''

''I don't know, maybe confess?''

''You're crazy.'' Yohan said. ''There's no way he likes me.''

''You're so dumb, Yohan.'' Wooseok said, as he stopped writing his essay and turned around to face Yohan. ''Why do you think the boy hasn't dated before? And what about all the times you've caught him crying, during that party where you kissed Seungwoo many years ago, or after he walked into your dorm and saw you with Seungyoun?''

''He wasn't cryi-''

''Don't interrupt me. There were tears in his eyes, which equals crying.'' Wooseok said, softly hitting Yohan. ''And more importantly, why do you think Junho let you have all those nights to yourself, even making you believe he'd spend his nights the same way when in fact he spent them alone?''

Yohan simply stared at Wooseok, too deep in thought to even reply.

''Go confess, dumbass. Before Junho gives up and falls in love with someone else.''

''Junho?'' Yohan asked, walking into the room. 

He found the boy laying down on his bed, with his phone in one hand while he stared at the ceiling, totally spaced out.

''Junho, I need to tell you something.'' Yohan continued, to which Junho immediately reacted and sat down, smiling at him as he waited for Yohan to talk.

''Yeah?'' Junho simply asked, looking at him with the most loving eyes ever, and Yohan found it so cute he felt like covering the boy's face in kisses. Luckily, he managed to calm himself down.

''You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, okay?'' Yohan said, sitting next to Junho, yet keeping his distance. ''And if it turns out you dont... agree with what I'm going to say... you're free to not say anything either. I'll understand.''

''Hyung, just say it.''

''I'm in love with y-you, Junho. And I've been for a long time.'' He finally managed to say. Yet, there wasn't any reaction from the younger boy.

Yohan knew what that meant. Junho had moved on.

''Oh... I k-knew it.'' Yohan said, feeling his eyes tear up as he avoided looking at Junho. ''It was o-obvious you w-would move on, what was I even t-thinking? I d-don't even think Wooseok was r-right, why did I e-even t-think you'd l-''

His words were interrupted by Junho's soft lips gently pressing against his, his hand softly wiping Yohan's tears, and the only logical thing for the older boy to do was kiss back. 

The kiss wasn't long, but as cliché as that may sound, it felt like hours for Yohan. He could feel the happiness coming right out of Junho, and when they finally pulled away, the first thing he saw was Junho's smile, his cheeks covered by his now characteristic deep red blush, as he avoided looking at him, embarrassed by what he had just done, and yet, he was the first one to talk.

''I'm in love with you too.'' He said. ''And that's the reason I've never dated. I was so busy thinking about you, that I never had any time to think about anyone else. But I never expected you to ever feel the same.''

Yohan smiled, getting closer to Junho and grabbing his hand.

''Oh, and by the way. You stuttered.'' Junho said.

''Well. You didn't.'' Yohan replied, not being able to think about anything else. Except for how much he wanted to repeat that kiss.

A few months later, Junho and Yohan were the cutest couple ever.

The two had decided to take things slow, but soon realized that they spent so much time wanting to be together, that when it finally became true, they wanted to do everything except taking things slow.

And soon eunough Yohan became all of Junho's first times. (Even though Junho and Eunsang did kiss once when they were very drunk at one party, making it Junho's first kiss, but if he says it doesn't count then it doesn't.) And they both loved it.

All of their friends were all over them. Especially Eunsang, who had been rooting for them for so long that when he found out he started to cry and congratulate them at the same time. On the other hand, Wooseok didn't care. Or that's what he assured after congratulating them a thousand times.

Now, the happy couple and their friends were in Eunsang's dorm, with Junho and Yohan sitting together in one of the beds, Junho hugging his boyfriend from behind as he let his head rest on his shoulders.

All the friends were talking excitedly, and the conversation ended up turning around Junho and Yohan. They would mention anecdotes about the couple before they started dating, and how oblivious they used to be, finding it especially funny how Junho couldn't confess that one time because he was suttering so much.

Junho, embarassed, hid his head behind Yohan, wanting the earth to swallow him right then right there as he heard Eunsang jokingly mock his stutter.

''It's okay, love.'' Yohan laughed, turning his head slightly to look at his boyfriend. ''You haven't stuttered ever since we confessed to each other.''

And upon realizing that, Junho smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, stuttering Junho! I got inspired by myself, since I've been suffering from this speech impediment disorder and social anxiety since I was around 11 years old, and I feel like the world needs more fics/novels where one of the main characters has them too. I hope you enjoyed this!


End file.
